The Me Inside My Head Has a Much Cooler Life

I take public transit.  One thing I really like about this mode of transportation is that while I’m on that boat, there’s nothing I need to do.  Sometimes I read, sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I nap, and sometimes I just sit there and think.

I try not to think about practical things.  I mean sometimes, yes, dinner plans get mixed up in there, or coming up with a solution for some work problem.  But those sorts of things occupy my “on” time, and I consider my daily commute to be my “bonus” time, so I try to keep these thoughts out.

This is me, pretending to be thinking. I thought I'd add it for illustrative purposes.

Instead, I like to imagine little scenarios wherein I am impressively capable or ecstatically happy in some way.  Some of these are more realistic that others, but they all make me smile.  Here are some of my favourites:

  • Fantasy #1 – Wherein I am accosted by a hooligan mugger somewhere downtown and I kick his ass. This one is funny if you actually know me, because realistically, if a mugger were to accost me, I would cry, give him all my things, and then probably curl up in a ball at his feet and pretend to be invisible.  This is my only fantasy that includes dialogue.  I won’t write it out here because it involves swear words and my mom gets upset when I swear on my blog.  But the gist is that he wants my bag and I say no and he says I’ve got a knife and I say no you don’t and lo and behold I’ve stolen his knife and I say now go away and he tries to attack me but I dodge and I say go away or I’ll break your knee I really mean it and he tries to attack me again and I break his knee and then I call 911 and wait for the ambulance to come and help him.
  • Fantasy #2 – Wherein, instead of having a job, I just travel around the world.
  • Fantasy #3 – Wherein I secretly am fluent in every language in the world and can understand everything everyone around me is saying. This is pretty self-explanatory.  It would be a handy tool in Vancouver, which is pretty multi-cultural.  There are probably ten non-English languages spoken where I work alone, and I wouldn’t say that’s out of the ordinary.
  • Fantasy #4 – Wherein people give me all their savings and let me decorate their houses any way I want and I make them all totally gorgeous. Actually, I usually have that fantasy when I’m in shops with nice furniture and decor, and not so much on the seabus.  But I like it a lot, so I’m including it anyway.
  • Fantasy #5 – Wherein I am inexplicably famous enough to be interviewed on Letterman and my answers to his questions are so clever that everyone is really impressed and I get lots of cool random offers from strangers to do neat jobs that I’ve never even heard of.
  • Fantasy #6 – Wherein I have a kitten. I know what you’re thinking: “Wait!  This one’s totally possible!  You could just buy a kitten!”  But I neglected to mention that I want a very special kitten that doesn’t need a litter box, doesn’t ever throw up, doesn’t scratch furniture, and likes me more than it likes my husband.  I have yet to meet a cat with any of these qualities.  So I have a fish instead.
  • Fantasy #7 – Wherein someone comes to my home every two weeks and cleans it and does all my ironing.
  • Fantasy #8 – Wherein I can dance. Really, really well.  With rhythm and everything.

So there you go.  I’ve just given you all a glimpse into my fascinating inner world.  Go ahead – psychoanalyze me.

2 thoughts on “The Me Inside My Head Has a Much Cooler Life

  1. I saw a comment of yours on a friend’s blog and clicked your link. As fantasies go, these are pretty good! I can relate to everyone of them and since you were creative enough to come up with such good ones, it might be better if you were the talk show host and were clever enough to interview Letterman, Oprah, and the likes because of your cleverness. I don’t like kittens though it is not my fantasy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s