The Attention Span of a Newt


Remember me?

I’m not hurt if you don’t.  I’ve been neglecting the hell out of this blog.  For any of you who may have been emotionally invested in my ramblings, I am deeply sorry.

I have an excellent reason though: my brain no longer works.  (Pregnancy brain – I thought it was an excuse people made for poor work performance and that it wouldn’t happen to me, but seriously you guys, it is real and pretty freaking humbling.)  Specifically, I cannot stay focused on anything for more than a couple of minutes.  Continue reading

When You Find Out You Aren’t In the Majority

This one is particularly classy.

This one is particularly classy.

So, about a year ago, I wrote this post about snow globes.  If you haven’t read it, you should.  I think it’s kind of funny.  And let’s just say that in the divide of those who love snow globes and those who think they are a waste of space, I fall firmly into the second camp. Continue reading

What I’ve Been Working on Lately Instead of My Blog

That one on my pinky is supposed to be a ninja, not a lady in a blue burka.

Merry Christmas!  Just thought I’d share with you the project that took up most of my evening hours this month.

Generally there aren’t any children on my Christmas list, but this year there are two little girls – my cousin’s kids.  For whatever reason, I decided it was very important that I make their presents instead of buying them.  I don’t know why, although I think it might have something to do with all the pink plastic junk available out there for little girls.  Also, I tend to have random ideas which quickly transform into must-dos, so here we are.

After some wandering on Etsy, I got the idea to make finger puppets.  By the next night, there I was with a bag of fleece, some scissors, and a needle and thread. Continue reading

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

The year that I was 25, I worked as a teacher at a private school in Mexico.  I taught history, geography, and literature to grades 7, 8 and 9 in an English immersion setting.

The fact that I got this job at all was pretty shocking.  I had to my name a TEFL certificate, a year’s experience teaching EFL to adults, and two years of an art history degree.

In no way did any of that prepare me to deal with kids between the ages of 12 and 16.  Suffice it to say that I’m not a disciplinarian.  Like vultures, they sniffed that out immediately and spent the entire year walking all over me.  I think I may have been the only one who absorbed anything about Mesopotamia that year.  It was humbling.  (And here I use “humbling” as a euphemism for “soul-destroying.”) Continue reading

Life According to the Movies – Lesson #8067: The Perfect Gift

You’ve all seen that movie – there are at least a dozen of them, and that doesn’t count whatever they’ve got on TV these days.  The set up: it’s Christmas morning around the tree or Christmas eve in a stolen private moment between the couple of the budding romance and he says, “I got you something.”  And it’s a box and she opens the box and in the box is… wait for it… a snow globe.  And she is delighted.  This is somehow the best present she has ever received and she is deeply moved.

Omigod! How did you know this is exactly what I've always wanted?!!!!

Continue reading

It’s December!

You know what that means?  It means that I’m putting up my tree.  Tonight.  And I’m going to start playing my Christmas music.  Tonight.  And no one can judge me because it is December and therefore entirely acceptable and appropriate.

And I’m going to a Christmas festival on Saturday and that is excellent too.

Yay December and yay for Christmas for having all its sparkly lights and churchy music right in the middle of winter, when the cold and the misery might otherwise overwhelm us.  Hooray!

Sighing a Sigh of Retail-Based Contentment

Oh what a weekend.  I was very productive.  I went to the gym twice and I made a gigantic dent in my Christmas shopping.  I’d say I’m at least 85% finished.  Oh, and it was so fun.  Aside from the mall and bookstore (I am naturally bookish and tend to gravitate to the bookstore for presents.  I sometimes have to remind myself that not everyone likes to read), I attended a fabulous visual feast of a craft fair downtown.

Generally speaking, I have a strange relationship with shopping.

On the one hand, I am a practical sort.  I don’t like to waste money and I tend to feel guilty buying myself anything other than food, as that money could better go to paying down the mortgage or traveling somewhere fabulous or helping some worthy charity or something.  I also think that as a society, we have been brainwashed into becoming these consumerist drones who just shop for shopping’s sake, replacing things — not because they need to be replaced — but because we are bored with them.  I think this leads to ridiculous waste on both a monetary and environmental level and I find that distressing.  Also, a crowded mall is possibly the most depressing and life-sucking thing in existence. Continue reading

Limbo Week

It’s that strange week between Christmas and the New Year when going to work makes you feel like you’ve entered the twilight zone.  Maybe you have this week off, in which case maybe it doesn’t seem weird to you; it just feels like part of Christmas vacation.  But when you have to go to work that day after Boxing Day, nothing feels quite right. Continue reading