I am not the most emotionally demonstrative of people.
I don’t get into big fights. I loathe yelling, or even having someone raise their voice at me a bit. It makes me tense all over. If I’m feeling slighted, I’m more likely to go find a corner to stew in and try to find any necessary solutions on my own than start some kind of drama. If I can’t work it out myself, I’ll discuss it later when I am calmer.
I don’t naturally hug either. Don’t get me wrong – I like hugs a lot – they’re great in so many ways. They make you feel happy and secure and loved. But it almost never occurs to me to initiate one. So when people do, I often get flustered (because usually I was going in for a handshake,) which tends to create an awkward moment for all involved. I had a friend tell me that she felt like she’d violated me when she went to hug me goodbye once. I was horrified (still am) that that’s how I made her feel, so this is something I’m working on. I think I’m getting a little better at it. I have some new friends who seem to hug hello and goodbye all the time, so it’s good practice for me. (My natural hello/goodbye hug radar would normally only activate if there was a time period of at least six months involved. Even then, maybe not.)
And I don’t easily cry. I don’t cry over movies or sappy cards or weddings. There are a couple of random things that work, but they are rare, and often have to happen in conjunction with PMS. The only thing I can mostly count on to cry over is tragedy, and even then, it’s often a delayed response (months or years, in my experience.) Generally, this is ok. I know people who cry easily and they find it a bit embarrassing.
But I’m currently a little worried about it. My grandmother recently passed away. She was a great lady, and when I was a child, we were fairly close. She was my last living grandparent, and had been for a long time. This has affected me and it does make me sad. But I haven’t cried, and I’m not sure that I will. There is a memorial this Saturday. There will be a lot of my extended family there, many of whom I rarely see, and some of whom I barely know. I am hoping that I can cry when I’m there. I don’t want them to think I am a horrible person who doesn’t care.