So, WordPress has this great statistics feature that allows me to see the terms people searched to get to my blog. Ever since I put up that post about the mysterious fork in my kitchen (which has since disappeared in an equally mysterious manner), I have been getting a few hits a week from people who are apparently searching for forks on the internet.
Why this interest in flatware? Who are these people who go onto Google and try to find forks? What is there to learn about them, really? They are made of metal. They have prongs, or “tines,” if you will. You eat with them and use the one on the outside first. Done.
I’d been mulling this search-related readership over in a non-committal way for a few days and then it hit me who they are – Twilight fans! They’re not looking for forks, they’re looking for Forks.
And what a disappointment I must be for them, poor things. I’m moderately certain that my posts so far have featured neither sparkly vampires nor steel-ab’d, topless werewolves. So what the heck, I say. Why not give those fork searchers what they want? (Hi Twilight fans! Sorry for luring you to my blog with false advertising. You seem like a sweet group and I hope your obsession with the series is only a result of the hot guys involved and does not influence you to pursue a lifetime of mildly abusive relationships.)
How do I know that Forks the town is featured in Twilight? As it happens, I have both read the books and seen the movies. Initially it was a curiosity thing. There was, after all, a lot of hype. I’m fascinated by hype as a whole and like to investigate its sources when I can. What makes one thing virally popular and another thing go virtually unnoticed? Sometimes it has to do with quality, but often it doesn’t. The movies were filmed in Vancouver too, which means there was extra hype here, and it’s always fun to watch locally filmed movies and look for things you recognize.
You know what? I get the hype. I don’t know what it is, but I read all the books in one weekend and was disappointed when they were finished. I can’t tell you why. At the same time as I was engrossed, I was consistently appalled. Main character – pathetic, writing style – shocking, premise – ridiculous, dialogue – are you kidding me?
So far the movies are pretty true to the books, but while they aren’t as addictive, the charm there is a bit more obvious. For one thing, they fall into the so-bad-they’re-kind-of-good category. For another, they feature nicely shaped young fellas who can’t seem to keep their tops on. (A little too young for comfort, to be honest. One feels slightly pervy for thinking they’re cute.)
The Twilight series made me wonder a few things:
- Given the choice between two hot monsters who are in love with you, why would you choose the one who — along with his extended family — wants to eat you?
- What do these monsters see in this girl? I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a protagonist with less of a personality of her own.
- How useless are these parents?
- When did stalking and controlling behaviour become acceptable ways to show affection?
- Giving someone a cesarean with your teeth? Seriously?
To be honest, there’s a lot to question in this series, but I don’t feel like writing a book report/movie review just now. I’m sure it’s all been said before anyhow. This is just me, pandering to my misled search-based audience.
Then again, maybe I’ve got the wrong end of the stick and they really were looking for forks. If this is you, go here. There are some very nice forks there.