Ok, for the record, I am not actually playing hooky, even though, yes, it is Friday morning and I am not at work. I actually booked the day off, very legitimately, and I think very thoughtfully as well. My job deals with people from the United States for 99% of the time and all those people are off work for American Thanksgiving, so by choosing to take today off, I’ve made it so that no one has to cover me and there will be no catastrophes in my absence. Lovely.
But I’m sitting here feeling kind of guilty. What is that? Why does being at home or being out having a nice time on a work day make me feel like a crook, even if it’s totally legit?
Have I become completely conditioned to the idea that the hours of my week between 8:30 and 5:00 from Monday to Friday belong to someone else? Is the fact of this conditioning the reason I am now sort of nervous to leave the house in case someone sees me?
I am also feeling a very strong need to be productive. I have a list of things to do today, and it is long. It’s as though if I’m not going to be at work, I have to do other kind of work. Seriously, where is this coming from? Work gives you vacation time because of the understanding that rest is important and makes you happier, healthier, and a better employee. I could spend the whole day taking naps and that goal would be met.
My brain both fascinates and disturbs me. I actually really enjoy a lot of the things it puts together. But I am also occasionally shocked by the ideas like this that pop into my consciousness, seemingly out of nowhere, and apparently also quite strong. I have a theory that I was actually born with a guilty conscience. It is both inconvenient and annoying and I would love to amputate it, but I don’t know how. On the upside, I guess it keeps me from a life of crime.